Perfection: Real or a figment of my imagination?

Jenny S. writes:

I bought a book for myself a while back. The title caught my eye and I said, “Yes! That’s for me!” It’s called Life’s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets: Your Ultimate Guide to Domestic Liberation, by Lisa Quinn.

It turned out to be more than I expected. It’s full of great little tips and funny stories, but it’s also a thinker because it challenges perfection. Feminist and editor Helen Gurley Brown stated that women could do it all and have it all. Then Martha Stewart stepped in, adding crafting to the list of things the perfect woman does. Lisa, the author, says,

“What was once this ideal of empowerment and creativity for women quickly morphed into an evil, unrealistic standard for us all….Women everywhere are racing around, hot-gluing and glittering like drunk monkeys.”

Now if that doesn’t add a giggle to your day, you need to go back and reread! She also says,

“The whole idea of perfectionism if fundamentally flawed. Perfection doesn’t even exist. It’s a purely mental, alienating, and unnatural state. It just causes judgment and makes people feel bad, so stop it.”

And this got me to thinking about whether or not I expect perfection of myself. I never considered myself a perfectionist because I’m not a Martha addict. My house is totally cluttered. I’m behind in my scrapbooking. I hate to iron. So how can I possibly be a perfectionist? But I am. I’m a perfectionist because I think it all has to be done perfectly. I have this idea that all horizontal spaces need to be clutter free; that all laundry must be done, folded, ironed and put away on the same day; that photos should be printed, cropped, scrapped and beautiful within one week of taking them; that I need to provide homemade food and snacks for my kids every single day; that if I drop the ball on any number of these or other duties, it means I’m losing my control of being a good housewife.

Those kind of ideas are embedded deep in my subconscious. I know they are because when I think really hard about where my feelings of guilt come from as far as my success at home goes, lack of perfection is what I come up with. And I can’t possibly be alone in this one. Here’s another idea from Lisa, the author.

“The media bombards us with images of Supermom: this chic Amazon in Jimmy Choos, a baby in one arm, a frying pan full of money in the other."

I don’t know what Jimmy Choos are but I’m sure I can’t afford them. Other than that, she makes a good point. How can we not struggle with guilt feelings over our success at home when we are bombarded with evil lies? More from Lisa:

“Back when I was in the depths of my own perfectionism, people would marvel at my efficiency and attention to detail. That’s the thing about this type of obsessive behavior: you build a façade of productivity. I appeared to have it all together. For years, I found comfort in the image that I had created for myself: this never-fail, every-ready mom. HOW COULD THAT BE WRONG? What people couldn’t see was that I was doing it for all the wrong reasons, and I was starting to come apart at the seams.”

Lisa’s “wrong reasons” were other moms. She was trying to live up her preconceived ideas of their expectations. It had become a competition. But I think we just end up competing with ourselves.

So are the other ladies really as put together as they seem? Are they as perfect as we think they are? Or are they feeling the same way Lisa was?

“Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Jesus has fulfilled this for us! Hallelujah! So my need to be perfect is not a realistic need. I can’t be perfect. I don’t HAVE to be perfect. Jesus is perfection for me. I say it again, hallelujah! I’m free!

How about you? What are some of the perfect ideals you have stuck in your craw? The ones that keep coming up to haunt and taunt you? Do you find that dwelling on them makes you feel anxious or depressed? It’s common. Prayers of confession and thanksgiving help me. What helps you pull out of that?

-Jenny