A question for those of us married to a pastor.
How do you offer criticism or help correct a flaw that you may see in your husband's pastoral roles? For example in his preaching or Bible study teaching. As a help meet, how do we fulfill our role in this area?
First of all, we would do well to compliment our husbands on being husbands. Those words go a long way.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, constructive criticism must be given in the right tone of voice and with no malice remotely near.
Other than that, I've got nothin'.
This is a great post. Thought provoking. I think that we'd offer our insight just as any wife would do - yet it's a little twisted since alot of times we have an opportunity to observe our husband "doing" their work - I mean really, can you imagine sitting in on your spouse's presentations if he was an attorney, or physician, or whatever - just a great mental image of me sitting there with my own legal pad, taking notes, some smiley faces, some frowns.
ReplyDeleteI should have this figured out since we've been at this ministry/marriage thing for decades. If my husband says to me, "What did you think . . . " I can usually pull out an outline of thoughts and suggestions, perhaps a powerpoint presentation. Other times, when I've observed something that he might have said that could be taken in the wrong way or is just plain wrong (yes, that does happen as it does when I am dead wrong); I usually measure the benefit of a suggestive comment. Was this a one time bungle or is this a pattern? Is he aware he's even doing this (i.e., pulling his britches up each and every
time he starts to consecrate the elements ) Oh, I could write a funny, funny book.
In conclusion, I guess I've got nothing either. I guess I've Just learned to take each situation for what it is. I'm anxious to see what the others here have to say. In general, I imagine that our approach would vary based upon our spouse's willingness to identify and remediate their own issues.
Great advice from both. A beloved pastor once told my husband and I to remember in difficult situations, "I can't control the outcome." I find this helpful in more than difficult situations, too (like the ones asked about above). Loving and encouraging my husband--and praying for him, which I don't do enough--I've found does more than when I "jump in" (and, anyway, I tend to muck up rather than clean up a situation when I do this).
ReplyDeleteI agree with the excellent comments given so far. If I were to add anything to them it would be what I have slowly learned over the past 11 years. If it’s in relation to doctrine, my hubby challenges his flock to test him with Scripture to make sure he is not faltering from the truth—I will ask questions/comments. If it’s in relation to Law/Gospel application, I know he has studied this in depth and can see the big picture far better than I can in relation to how a situation is dealt. I am also comforted by the fact that he looks for help from brother pastors. If it’s in relation to his Sunday morning haste of donning robe with rope askew, crucifix necklace reversed, and stole off center, I almost guarantee that he was approached by someone or something unexpectantly right before worship. There are times when I become his eyes and ears in relation to how a member/s might interpret something he said or did, and then I will comment. I’ve learned that a compliment and encouraging word can go a long way! What a difficult and challenging job our husbands have as they apply God’s Word to people of all ages and life experiences. But also how beautiful it is for me to know that my imperfect spouse has the high calling of bringing Jesus to sinners like me!
ReplyDeleteIt is a very interesting question. My husband asks me for a sermon review every sunday.. hard to offer every week, considering we have six kids! But I try to pay attention despite the kids (0r listen to the audio later) and tell him: this is what I would take away from the sermon; was that what you were aiming for?
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I approach everything from utterly different perspectives so he is often surprised by my comments. Yet I trust his perspective more than my own, so I usually say "for what it's worth..." etc.
And Beth, I agree... Isnt it a strange and amazing experience for a wife to receive Jesus from her own husband?