Kathy F. writes:Modesty? In this day and age? Is it even possible? Why is it so hard for me to find clothing for my 10 year old daughter that makes her look 10....and not 10 going on 18? Does nearly every piece of clothing out there in the stores need to scream out to the hormonal boys "Here I am! Look at my body!!"
This society that we live in is growing up kids at an alarming rate and it seems like the harder we try to keep our kids...well...kids, the harder the world forces them to become little adults. I can't turn away fast enough when I see some of the prints on the t-shirts, the sayings that encourage less than right behavior....printed on clothes size 6.
When Hannah grew into the size 8-16 I dreaded it. Clothes that MIGHT be more appropriate for a girl wearing a size 16, most certainly isn't appropriate for a girl wearing a size 8 (but they are all the same pattern in the varying sizes). Shopping for my daughter is a nightmare....and I don't expect it to get easier as she gets older...and what is hard, is that I don't want her to look like an Amish girl or a girl from the early 1900's...but I want her to fit in with her friends too. And although I don't struggle with the modesty issue with my boys, there is certainly the appropriate issue with their clothes. It is getting harder and harder to avoid skulls, sayings and phrases that are not good and symbols that are "cool" but not Christian.
Is it just where I choose to shop, or is this an issue others struggle with too. I suppose if I could afford more expensive clothes, I might have more options...but as we all know...Pastor's families don't roll in the dough (unless you are the pastor at a Mega-church...which none of us are)....sigh....and then there are swimming suits....which I won't even touch...
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It's tough to shop with our daughters because there is so much negative influence to the clothing styles. I wonder if there are certain stores that gals might share, which seemed to have decent styles.
ReplyDeleteGirls, I hope and pray you find some stores and ideas to share! I have thanked God for my 3 boys for just this reason - I don't have to do the hunt for clothing that covers. Although Jon and I do have to teach our boys to avert their eyes. That's another issue altogether. Here's hoping your hunt gets easier...
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy! This issue is a big burr in my saddle. I can get really worked up over it. I hate seeing how so many young girls are dressing these days and wonder why their parents let them. Can they not say "no"? Do they fear that their daughters will be made fun of? Or do they just think it's cute or just what everyone is doing and give in? I'm truly curious.
ReplyDeleteI don't want my (one day) 8 year old girl dressing like she's 18. I want my daughters to enjoy being children for as long as they are that. I dread what my girls will face down the road with fashion trends. I don't like what these trends are teaching them and our boys.
It is very important that we Christian mothers and fathers teach our girls what modesty is and what Scripture says about real beauty. That it is:
"the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands" I Peter 3
"the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works." I Timothy 2
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31
It will probably get harder to find suitable clothing for our daughters but I think it's worth the fight. And I think the bigger battle is the more important one, teaching why we don't dress a certain way and instilling in our girls minds to WANT to be modest.
"Instilling in our girls' minds to WANT to be modest." I like this. This is where the real challenge lies. To teach our children what God says, like the beautiful passages quoted above, and pray that becomes embedded in their minds. "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 I was talking with a friend, Donna, who has a daughter in 8th grade. Thankfully she does not have these clothing issues because her daughter is so much of a tomboy. She prefers t-shirts and jeans. But Donna knows how hard it is even searching for simple things like this. The cut of the clothing, what is printed on it. It all needs to be watched. She used to shop Kids Gap (maybe they have on-line sales or clearance?)but is now having more trouble since her daughter is in women's sizes. Some clothing lines at Kohl's are decent, she has found.
ReplyDeleteAs we talked, I realized just how difficult our job (Jon's and mine) as parents to boys is going to be. How do we teach them not to stare at the girls?? I don't think we can. I mean we can tell them that it isn't polite; it isn't respectful of the girl, but there's got to be more. I think it comes down to teaching the boys and the girls the same thing: God's definition of beauty and modesty and honoring your self and your spouse. I am as much of a model for my boys as my husband is. I model the kind of woman we want them to marry. One who is God fearing, one who is confident, one who is beautiful and modest, one who is loved by her husband and loves him in return.
I was thinking about this whole thing in bed this morning. I was thinking about the way women dress and how tempting it is to the men. It reminded me of the Garden. So I thought further. Satan tempted Eve IN FRONT OF ADAM, who then took the apple and shared it with him. Satan is tempting the women, through advertising, telling them this is the way you need to look, the way you need to dress. Woman then takes the clothing, puts it on and turns to man saying, "Look how beautiful I am!" Man then partakes of the sin. Adam should have stopped Eve, pointing out her sin. Men should, as they are given to do, speak to their wife, daughter, sister - whoever the woman in their life might be - about the inappropriateness of the clothing.
Young girls need to be trained up in self-respect. Young men need to be trained up in respecting girls. Just my thoughts.
Excellent comments, all. I thought of all you mothers of daughters today at a department store, where I mentioned this post to my husband and commented how boys' clothing, aside from the snarky/suggestive comments on T-shirts, looks identical to mens'. The sizes just get bigger. If only training boys to cherish modesty was so easy--but that's a privilege and a blessing we're given, I guess, just as parents of daughters do the same. THANK YOU for this conversation and these thoughts!
ReplyDeleteWow, I’ve really missed some great posts and comments! We’ve had problems with our internet, so it’s good to be back on again! For us it all started with low rise blue jeans. I dreaded shopping with my daughters. The only benefit of the tops were that they were long enough to reach the middle of their bottoms. Now it is the short dresses and skirts, which my girls will wear shorts or leggings underneath. For swimsuits we’ve found the athletic cut at Scheel’s to be more modest than many.
ReplyDeleteI question my girls often about what dressing seductively portrays to their peers. This results in some great heart to heart talks regarding other pressures they encounter (coloring hair, make-up, tattoo’s, body piercing, etc.) and helps them to learn how to defend what they believe in. My consolation is hearing my girls say that they don’t need to impress anyone by the way they dress or look and love having friends who feel the same way about themselves. They recognize when girls AND boys lack self respect and try to be someone whom they’re not. I thank God for the open communication and pray that God preserve them in mind, body, and spirit so they may grow to live God pleasing lives… and for guidance for Mark and I to be faithful in our calling as parents.