As many of you have experienced, we're facing the imminent growth of our family. While this is blessed, awesome news--and an exciting time!--I'm at a loss as to how to transition to Sunday mornings in a way that will not resemble the Apocalypse.
Here's our situation: we've got two boys, the oldest almost three and a half, the younger nineteen months. Both do generally very well in church, though Younger Son is active and sometimes rubs off on Older Brother. I bring CPH books for them to look at, a calculator for end-of-service desperation, and crackers during the sermon. We have no pew-climbers, though I usually have to have a hand on Younger Son 90% of the time, and the noise level from them during services is between the "Cute--we love to hear them!" range (from members) and "You took Younger out at the right time" (from my, I suspect, more honest husband). We sit alone. People have started to offer their help, but it's been outside of church where we've really seen it (people offering to come over and watch the boys so I can do whatever. And they really come and really mean it, praise God).
So here's where I'm stuck. I know I can't sit in the pew alone with three little ones. People who have offered help are gracious, but no one is in church every single Sunday like we are. So I don't know if I should approach a few people to ask if they'd be willing to sit with us and then rotate help (which I think would be difficult for the boys to adjust to) or... fly-by-night and wait until someone approaches me and offers to sit with us. I don't want to take advantage; I also don't want to fall into the sin of Pride and end up resenting/dreading sitting through the Divine Service. So... help! Any and all advice would be much appreciated!
"Help!" indeed! I'm just starting to not dread Sunday morning, that's terrible I know, but even with a wonderful older couple that sits with me every week, I still have to "snatch some children bald" occasionally and have one daughter who only has two volume settings...loud and louder. So, I'm no expert in this field but here's my two cents.
ReplyDeleteYou could try the on your own way and see how it goes, your boys might surprise you. Can you sit in the back in case you have a "wanderer" or have to leave? I've been forced to the front of the church since you have to get there an hour early to get back row seating at our church! Which means we're on display. :(
But if you have a few members you could ask to sit with or sit with them, I'd try that. I would say the more consistency the boys have the better, meaning as often as you can get the same person or people to sit with you the better. My lovely helpers leave town for 6 weeks every year so I have to ask around for help during that time. Sitting through service doesn't usually go well during those weeks, it just throws everyone off. I'm really not looking forward to that this year with Gerhardt being older and now we have our fourth!
More tricks are the "special fruit snacks" that I only take out at church in emergencies. They keep my very very loud and active 2 year old still"ish" and quiet"er" for a while. I've found that putting quiet toys in my bag that the girls only see during church has helped them from getting bored (then naughty) so quickly.
It's a challenge for sure. I just tell myself it won't last forever...I hope.
Having only one child, I don't have experience with multiples in the pew. However, I have played organ regularly for services since Joanna was "but a wee lass." I concur with Aubri. The more consistent you are with the help, the better.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to hearing about the arrival of Baby #3.
Oops. I meant to explain that Joanna had two families that regularly took care of her during the services on Sunday morning so that I could play the organ. Sorry 'bout that.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Aubri and Kristi. What you've related is the advice I've gotten from a few other PWs, too -- that consistency is best. Fortunately (or not :)) we can snag a back pew if we get to church ten minutes early, so that makes for easy exits. Perhaps I breastfed discreetly two or three times with Younger Son back there; I'm guessing that will probably happen again with Daughter, too, though I'm still torn over the modesty issue (despite using a covering/blanket). I'd actually prefer to sit in the front for numerous reasons, but between necessary feeding with one kid and potty training with another, I'm resigned to putting that off for a few more years. God always provides, one way or the other -- yesterday Younger Son actually fell asleep at the end of service, which hasn't happened since the spring. And though it probably won't happen again (he was up really early in the morning and got tuckered out), it reminded me that God gives us reprieve when He sees fit, which -- wow! -- always ends up being at the best times. :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome to Sunday morning where we work harder than our husbands. (I often remind my husband of this.) We have 5 boys ranging in age from 10 years to 9 months, and I have been needing assistance for the better part of 8 years.
ReplyDeleteIt has been my experience that many members have been in my position with their own children with the exception that there were two parents instead of one. This being so, they are willing to help. I think the majority of people who sit by us know that they will be helping with the baby without any notice (often we don't sit in the same place). He is the easiest to pass off and let's face it, who doesn't like to hold a baby. I can then turn my attention to my 3-year-old who needs discipline or mom's lap. There has been only two or three times when that baby wasn't satisfied with the caregiver. I am also a nursing mother and find that Ezra (or any baby in the past) often does better with someone else if he is a bit hungry, because he is not expecting anything from the one who is holding him.
For the little ones I used to bring Cheerios or crackers to church, but after my 2nd child I found out if I forgot the snacks he was 5 times worse in church and it rubbed off on all of us. After 3 or 4 weeks he didn't notice there were not any snacks and I haven't brought them back since. On an occasion or two somebody has offered them a snack during church and we politely decline. No big deal. Out of desperation I'll bring out the compact mirror or comb. I know this doesn't work for all families, but it works for us.
I would suggest to ask for help -- maybe that is what your members are waiting for you to do. It could be they don't want to offend you if they did ask if you needed help.
I know I walk out of church a happier mom when I've had assistance. And don't worry, there will be a Sunday when you're taking your child to his special church timeout spot and he will exclaim to the entire congregation, "I don't like you mom," but when he is 4 and sitting nice in church you will find it was all worth it.
Sorry this post is late.