A pastor's wife writes:
It’s almost midnight and he just left.
I should be sleeping, alone, but instead I am here at my computer with my questions.
God has heard them before, but I ask again:
Why ,God, would you do some miracles for this woman, and then just… not?
Why, God?
I ache for the family suffering out there, where pastor-daddy is. (Care for them,
Father.) I ache for the family here, too, where pastor-daddy is not.
I was the one who read the bedtime stories, said the prayers, and tucked the covered
tightly around the children. They nodded brave faces when I told them that daddy had
to go "be with the sad family" yet again. That's why our plans changed tonight. Yes, I
know he has been gone a lot lately. I miss him, too.
I respect and support this man, and the work God does through him, but that doesn't
mean it isn't hard.
The children do not understand why dark hospital rooms win out over family nights,
but for a pastor, they do, they must. I spare them the details of the sad situation he
faces in the hospital.
They say goodnights without complaint, except for one boy. He cries quietly into
his pillow. When I lean over to kiss him, he clings tightly to my robe, and I hear his
muffled confession, "Mommy, I wish that daddy was something other than a pastor."
Father, what am I to say to this child?
You have promised to be with us always, even in times of suffering. Help your child,
the one who is called to be a pastor to the sad family, because I can see the weariness
in his eyes, and I cannot help him. Uphold him, Father.
And help your child's other children, the little ones who share in the suffering through
tiny sacrifices, the little ones who do not understand. Care for them through other
hands when daddy is away-- through mine, through your Word, through your other
children. Care for their little hearts, that they may learn to lean on you in times of
trial.
The needs are here are more than I can meet, Father.
Care for them, Father.
Care for all of us.
Amen.
I've been at this Pastor's wife gig for several decades now. In reading this, and knowing what some of my friends have experienced, I think we can easily replace the word "pastor-daddy" with "physician-daddy" or "working two jobs so mom can be home-daddy".
ReplyDeleteI've found the most helpful thing is to manage my expectations - and those of my children so that they can see that our Daddy is a good man, a faithful man and our needs are met somehow, someway, even if they are not met in the traditional sense of Daddy-at-home. This of course, goes hand in hand with making sure that Pastor-Daddy is setting appropriate boundaries with parishoners and hasn't fallen into the trap of trying to be all things to all parishoners. When and if that next call comes the parishoners left behind will manage and they will find a balance with their new shepherd. The Pastor's family will always be with him though - so he is wise to take counsel that appropriate boundaries must be set.
What a moving portrait. Thank you for this post and for the prayers, that God would provide care where needs are more than we can meet (within families and without).
ReplyDeleteA lot of thoughts on this one:
ReplyDeleteHow many times have I muttered the same thing in my head as this child and envied the wives whose husbands work hours end at 5pm and she can count on him being home by supper and still there for bedtime. Pastor-husband/daddy has meetings during bedtime, one "official day off" and is on call always. The days that I once loved, Sunday mornings and Wednesdays are kind of dreaded now, I can't be the only pastor's wife that feels that way can I?!
My children aren't old enough to realize how much Daddy is gone yet, but I'm sure that day will be here soon. It's hard enough for me to have to put on a "brave face" I think it's gonna be harder when my babies have to begin to do that too. But when I stop thinking just about us and about what my husband is doing for the church it can help with the burden. I pray when my babies are old enough to understand that too it will help them also. And isn't it a true blessing how God provides "other hands" to care for us when we need them? I just tend to be so selfish and always want the other hands to be my husband! Sigh.
The Anonymous commenter above raised the point of doctor-daddy, etc. I often think of the family of my own doctor, when he's with me at 1 am delivering a baby or visiting us on a Saturday on his way to a ball game. I grew up with an Air Force-Daddy, he was gone much of the time, years at a time. Many families are called to make a lot of sacrifices for good. We can thank God that our men are gone for those good reasons, instead of for their own selfish reasons.
Thank you "poster" for pointing us to Christ in our times of need!
Aubri said.. "And isn't it a true blessing how God provides "other hands" to care for us when we need them?"
DeleteIt is so true! And yes, it's hard to accept these blessings sometimes when what I really want is HIM but... God upholds us as He wants us upheld, I guess!
And what you say about what he does- I really do NOT know how I would cope if I could not comfort myself with such thoughts. I SO very much respect what he does, and it is such a blessing to be able to tell kids who have sad feelings about daddy's absence that he's doing something good... imagine if the truth was something like "he's out drinking again?" Oh my, that cross seems like it would be so much heavier.
Ok, I had some more thoughts. :0
ReplyDelete"Care for their little hearts, that they may learn to lean on you in times of
trial. The needs are here are more than I can meet, Father."
This is something I'm just beginning to wrap my mind around these days. My children will have to carry crosses in this life, ones that a clean diaper or a blankie just won't fix. Ones that I won't be able to help with. That's a hard lesson for a Mama.
How do we teach them how to lean on Him? By leaning ourselves I suppose and praying that He will teach them.
This is hard, isn't it?
DeleteI WANT to be the one that meets all their needs, now and forevermore.
But I can't... so I'm learning to let them see that (though I'd rather hide it, ) including letting them see me sad when I'm sad, etc, and asking for their prayers instead of continuing to barrel through and trying to deny my own need.
And God is real ,and He helps. There would be no hope otherwise!
PS meant to add this post here:
Deletehttp://www.weakandloved.com/2012/07/my-weakness-his-strength-4-kiddo-will.html#more
What a beautiful witness to the care that our Heavenly Father provides to all. I struggle, too, with remembering and understanding that my husband is the hand of God to those who hurt. In my selfishness, I want him home like a "regular 9 to 5" guy. On the other hand, my husband can take time off during the week to do some special things with our family.
ReplyDeleteI'm a pastor's kid, so I knew that my husband would one day receive the "middle of the night" calls. I knew there would be times that he would have to leave the dinner table to minister to a family in need. It is challenging to not project my sin of jealousy and anger onto my daughter. In those moments, though, I am working on remembering to teach her that we can pray for the family in need. I also find myself on my knees, begging the Lord to give me a gentle and loving spirit, one with compassion for those who are suffering.
It is good to read and to know that pastors wives all over struggle with things, as we do in this house. It is also good to hear from you Kristi, a pastor's KID who has not grown hardened from this kind of life.
ReplyDeleteMay God uphold all of us, pastors and wives and children, as we seek to be His hands in a dying world.